I absolutely LOVE this essay! I am a 70 year old serial doormat who has spent a million hours being a bitch into the mirror AFTER real life interactions in which I should have been a bitch. My daughters-in-law are much better balanced than I and you can sure as shootin' bet my little granddaughter will be a GRAND bitch! Thank you, Erin. You're the bomb, if not quite a bitch.
This: "I want my daughters to use as few conciliatory exclamation points and emojis in their written communication as possible.” …I remember a boy in high school asking me why I used so many exclamation points and smiley faces when I texted. I had no idea. Now I get it was the “nice” programming. Good read!
My daughter - about a month younger than Juniper - is in pre-school and we had our first parent-teacher conference a few months ago. I had to fight tears of pride and joy when both teachers said (And it started with "I've been looking forward to this one!") Autumn is "very strong and very independent." (while I also know she is very sweet and kind and VERY empathetic).
Which I also already knew first hand as she had stuck up for *me* at the park when two (very kind) older girls took the large plastic dinosaur bench I was using as a seat at the bottom of the slide and she went and got it back for me by telling them "my dada was using that. You should give it back." (I tried to explain to everyone that I don't need it and they're very welcome to use it but we all saw that we weren't going to win this contest and acquiesced to Autumn's request.)
Also, her swim teacher had told her friend who had told me at swim class one day, "Cindy said she is going to run your house in few years." To which I replied, "GOING to??!" (She was barely 2)
“A person who is usually reasonable suddenly becoming assertive or rude can make a much greater impact. You can really hurt somebody’s feelings weilding bitchiness like a scalpel. And hurt feelings are often an important first step in changing behavior.”
Exactly this. For all of the women in my life I wish inner peace, inner fortitude, and strong boundaries with zero fucks. And, having read essay after essay after essay along these lines by women, having had lots of real life experience, having experienced most women behaving in a generally lovely way, I must conclude that “It’s the men, stupid.”
My Mr Chitwood was "Wee Willie Winkie" who, my parents told me, would come and take me away to the Land of Nod if I didn't go to bed on time. And like an idiot I believed them. Especially that time when I tried acting up and there was a knock on the door and my parents told me he was there. Years later I found out it had been our neighbour popping along for a cup of tea.
Being an editor of a website brought out my inner bitch. The attitude of men, and, yes, it is usually men, when told that their offering is not a right fit for the site, is very telling. And they don't like it when I bite back.
I absolutely LOVE this essay! I am a 70 year old serial doormat who has spent a million hours being a bitch into the mirror AFTER real life interactions in which I should have been a bitch. My daughters-in-law are much better balanced than I and you can sure as shootin' bet my little granddaughter will be a GRAND bitch! Thank you, Erin. You're the bomb, if not quite a bitch.
Send your daughters to law school. It's a surefire way to learn how not to be nice. I'm speaking from experience! It is kinda pricey, though.
This: "I want my daughters to use as few conciliatory exclamation points and emojis in their written communication as possible.” …I remember a boy in high school asking me why I used so many exclamation points and smiley faces when I texted. I had no idea. Now I get it was the “nice” programming. Good read!
"However, behaving prosocially does not necessarily mean being compliant on demand."
YES!!!!!
My daughter - about a month younger than Juniper - is in pre-school and we had our first parent-teacher conference a few months ago. I had to fight tears of pride and joy when both teachers said (And it started with "I've been looking forward to this one!") Autumn is "very strong and very independent." (while I also know she is very sweet and kind and VERY empathetic).
Which I also already knew first hand as she had stuck up for *me* at the park when two (very kind) older girls took the large plastic dinosaur bench I was using as a seat at the bottom of the slide and she went and got it back for me by telling them "my dada was using that. You should give it back." (I tried to explain to everyone that I don't need it and they're very welcome to use it but we all saw that we weren't going to win this contest and acquiesced to Autumn's request.)
Also, her swim teacher had told her friend who had told me at swim class one day, "Cindy said she is going to run your house in few years." To which I replied, "GOING to??!" (She was barely 2)
“A person who is usually reasonable suddenly becoming assertive or rude can make a much greater impact. You can really hurt somebody’s feelings weilding bitchiness like a scalpel. And hurt feelings are often an important first step in changing behavior.”
Exactly this. For all of the women in my life I wish inner peace, inner fortitude, and strong boundaries with zero fucks. And, having read essay after essay after essay along these lines by women, having had lots of real life experience, having experienced most women behaving in a generally lovely way, I must conclude that “It’s the men, stupid.”
For what it's worth, I've been reading your work for many years and my general impression of you is as an incredibly powerful badass.
Absolutely 100% agree with this.
My Mr Chitwood was "Wee Willie Winkie" who, my parents told me, would come and take me away to the Land of Nod if I didn't go to bed on time. And like an idiot I believed them. Especially that time when I tried acting up and there was a knock on the door and my parents told me he was there. Years later I found out it had been our neighbour popping along for a cup of tea.
Being an editor of a website brought out my inner bitch. The attitude of men, and, yes, it is usually men, when told that their offering is not a right fit for the site, is very telling. And they don't like it when I bite back.