Toddlers: The Black Hole of Leisure Time
And things that I once considered chores are now how I decompress. Plus: A really good recipe.
One of the most difficult lessons of parenthood, for me, was that it is not possible to work from home and look after a very small child at the same time without my quality of parenting or my quality of work suffering.
Even with my husband tagging in when he gets home from work, after 8+ hours of looking after a kid who wants to either constantly engage or constantly hurt herself, who needs to be fed and changed and put down for naps and have her hands washed and face washed and be told not to eat rocks or dog food, summoning the bandwidth to be creative is A Task. Some days it just isn’t happening.
Sometimes I hear expecting parents say something like “We aren’t worrying about child care until they’re a year old because I/my partner can work from home and my schedule is flexible.” I don’t know how to break it gently to these people, but unless they have some source of sporadic childcare during the workday– a parent, relative, etc– and their work can be done on a schedule that exists outside of a typical work week, that is a quixotic plan. Child care is a full time job. A full time job is also a full time job. You must neglect one or the other in order for them to coexist simultaneously.
I’ve said as much before, but I want to shout it from the rooftops: if you are the primary child care provider for an infant or toddler, you cannot count on being able to get any work done at all while they’re in your care. Plan on getting no work done, and if you find that you have the space to squeeze in a little while they’re napping or playing independently, consider that a bonus. I’ve gotten some work I’m pretty proud of done while my daughter took an unexpectedly long nap.
But count on getting nothing done. As soon as you promise somebody something work-related, it’s like the baby can sense it and will start growing molars or come down with RSV.