You Are Doing Enough
A holiday pep talk for parents
One of the less fun aspects of parenting is that if you’re the sort of person who is hard on yourself, having a child can make you feel like a real underperforming piece of shit. The holidays turn the volume up on those feelings; suddenly not only are you not providing yourself with the most festive and happy holiday season, you are depriving your child of precious memories, and one day they’ll hate you for it and you’ll spend all of your Decembers alone and abandoned by your adult children who can’t stand you.
But that negative self-talk is a liar. By trying, you are doing enough.
You do not need to get your child the most toys. Think about the kids you grew up with who got the most toys. Think about who they grew up to be. They’re assholes now, aren’t they? You don’t want to raise an asshole.
You do not need to have picture-perfect holiday decorations.
You are not a failure if you don’t get all of your holiday baking done, or started.
You are not a failure if you park your kid in front of the TV while you savor the relative silence and enjoy a few minutes to yourself.
It’s okay to skip church— although if your parents or in-laws insist you attend, Christmas mass is unmatched for people watching and family inside jokes.
You’re not the worst parent if you don’t keep every single crayon drawing of Santa or popsicle stick reindeer your kid brings home from day care.
You do not need to feel bad if you didn’t take your kid to see The Nutcracker this year. Teach your kids to appreciate the arts or whatever, but if it’s any solace, the first act of that ballet is boring and the second act is weird.
There’s nothing wrong with you if you refuse to “do” Elf on a Shelf.
You’re not a bad parent if you didn’t take your kid to one of those “Holiday Festivals” with a $25 admission fee, or if all of the tickets to Zoo Lights or Botanical Garden Holiday Magic or Christmas Down At Sullivan Farms were gone by the time it occurred to you to get them.
You’re not a failure if you never found time to go sledding.
It’s okay if you waited until it was too late to buy matching family pajamas and the only sizes they had left in Target were XXL pants, extra small tops, and baby pajamas in size “preemie.”
Nobody is going to think you don’t have your shit together if you don’t send out Christmas cards every year.
You’re not a bad parent if you’ve made a decision to cut off your relationship with a toxic extended family member.
You’re not a failure if your instagram feed is filled with twelve-foot trees in enormous McMansion great rooms and you are suddenly aware of how many people you know were raised with incredible amounts of wealth.
You do not need to be an expert at wrapping gifts. You can just throw that shit in a bag and put some tissue paper on top. Nobody remembers how a present is wrapped unless it’s one of those running family jokes where you challenge each other to wrap gifts in the most difficult way possible.
You’re not a failure if you sometimes get sad or depressed around this time each year.
You aren’t a bad parent if you’re tired.
You don’t suck if you made the executive decision to stay home and make your own family traditions rather than brave the hellscape that is air travel during a tripledemic.
You do not need to individually shop for every single member of your extended family, get those items to your home, wrap them, and transport them to the family holiday party so that they can be opened in everybody else’s presence. Just have them delivered directly to the recipient. Who cares.
You do not need to feel bad about getting adult relatives gift certificates because you didn’t have time to shop.
You do not have to be “on” for the entirety of every single holiday gathering.
Your holiday dinner does not need to look like the photos that are printed alongside the recipe. It doesn’t need to taste like a professional chef made it.
You don’t even have to cook.
It’s okay if you didn’t drive around to look at holiday lights. People leave those up for awhile after Christmas. You still have time.
You’re not a bad parent if you didn’t get to do all of the things you thought you wanted to do. Your kids will remember that you tried and that you cared.
Happy Holidays!