I totally agree, the “do it perfectly or don’t bother” way of thinking is so pervasive in parenting advice content and so counter-productive. A friend gave me a potty training guide for my son last summer that was so inflexible and unattainable, especially for a household like mine where both parents work full-time, and it made me feel like I was set up to fail before we even started. The cynic in me thinks that many of these types of parenting guides are unattainable by design- that way if/when things don’t go as planned it can place the blame on the parents for not following the steps absolutely perfectly, rather than acknowledging that every situation is different and what works for one kid may not work for another regardless of how perfect the execution is. They imply that it’s not that the training guide is ineffective, it’s that you, the parent, just “did it wrong”; when in reality every kid is a unique individual and there just is no single, perfect way to do any of this.
"All or nothing" seems like the curse of influencer culture, whether parenting, nutrition advice, or meditation guidance. If half-assing it worked, you wouldn't need to buy their supplement/book/course/community membership etc.
And if there's one area of life it's hella stigmatized to half ass in public, it's motherhood. So cheers to you for admitting what's always and everywhere the case: We are all half-assing whatever we're doing because in real life, under real constraints, that's just the best we can do.
This all or nothing stuff is such a trap and is really perpetuated by social media influencers. **Gasp** we sometimes intervene when our sleep trained baby is having trouble going back to sleep. Spoiler alert, she isn't "untrained."
And I plan on not perfectly gentle parenting. I think people often mistake it with being permissive , when it should be authoritative. Kids should not run the show. I want my daughter to have space for her emotions, understand boundaries, and have respect for others. I don't think I need to adhere to a parenting philosophy to achieve that.
I came into gentle parenting after my youngest was 4. But I’ve found parts useful as they are older too. Definitely not doing it perfectly (and don’t believe anyone is if they are honest).
Can also attest gentle parenting an ADHD kid is HARD. Schedules are paramount to success in our household so if that’s authoritative I guess that’s how I parent and you can pry my schedules from my cold dead hands.
Great piece and I’m sure you’re killing it as a mom.
I totally agree, the “do it perfectly or don’t bother” way of thinking is so pervasive in parenting advice content and so counter-productive. A friend gave me a potty training guide for my son last summer that was so inflexible and unattainable, especially for a household like mine where both parents work full-time, and it made me feel like I was set up to fail before we even started. The cynic in me thinks that many of these types of parenting guides are unattainable by design- that way if/when things don’t go as planned it can place the blame on the parents for not following the steps absolutely perfectly, rather than acknowledging that every situation is different and what works for one kid may not work for another regardless of how perfect the execution is. They imply that it’s not that the training guide is ineffective, it’s that you, the parent, just “did it wrong”; when in reality every kid is a unique individual and there just is no single, perfect way to do any of this.
Completely agree. "All or nothing" turns everything into a bizarre pissing contest, and parenting is hard enough without adding a competitive element.
"All or nothing" seems like the curse of influencer culture, whether parenting, nutrition advice, or meditation guidance. If half-assing it worked, you wouldn't need to buy their supplement/book/course/community membership etc.
And if there's one area of life it's hella stigmatized to half ass in public, it's motherhood. So cheers to you for admitting what's always and everywhere the case: We are all half-assing whatever we're doing because in real life, under real constraints, that's just the best we can do.
This all or nothing stuff is such a trap and is really perpetuated by social media influencers. **Gasp** we sometimes intervene when our sleep trained baby is having trouble going back to sleep. Spoiler alert, she isn't "untrained."
And I plan on not perfectly gentle parenting. I think people often mistake it with being permissive , when it should be authoritative. Kids should not run the show. I want my daughter to have space for her emotions, understand boundaries, and have respect for others. I don't think I need to adhere to a parenting philosophy to achieve that.
This hit all the feels.
I came into gentle parenting after my youngest was 4. But I’ve found parts useful as they are older too. Definitely not doing it perfectly (and don’t believe anyone is if they are honest).
Can also attest gentle parenting an ADHD kid is HARD. Schedules are paramount to success in our household so if that’s authoritative I guess that’s how I parent and you can pry my schedules from my cold dead hands.
Great piece and I’m sure you’re killing it as a mom.